LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

It was a cruel joke when I read wordle 28 in The Sunday Whirl, http://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/2011/10/30/216/, and found the weekly dozen taken from my own last week’s poem. I can tell you, it was not love at first sight when I saw them. Here they are: flickering, twitched, vanished, crooked, bottle, gutter, caught, bloody, gurgle, sidewalk, thump, and carved.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
by Mike Patrick

It was love at first sight
within the crowded pub.
Her blue eyes locked on mine
and I saw them widen just a touch.
She flashed me a crooked, impish smile
as I sat down.

Sue. Her name was Sue,
a beautiful name for a beautiful woman.
I bought her several sweet, white wines
making sure she saw my money roll.

Her hand had a gentle way
of lightly touching mine.
After the pub grew loud,
I could feel her lips
brush my ear as she talked.

With the voice of an angel,
she asked if I wanted to go.
Walking, we shared another bottle of wine
as we staggered between the sidewalk and gutter.
By the time there wasn’t a gurgle left
I knew I loved her.

She caught me by the shoulder
beneath a flickering taco sign
and pulled me down to reach my lips.

I barely heard a rustle behind me
before a thump knocked me to the ground.
When I twitched, I received a kick to the ribs
and a knife’s sharp prick against my throat.
“Move and I carve you like a turkey,” a harsh voice said.
I froze while someone emptied my pockets . . .
and traced something  on my chest.

I lay still until they vanished in the dark.
On my shirt, written with her blood-red lipstick,
“Thanks, Hon—and my name’s not Sue.”

Advertisements
This entry was posted in A Wording Whirl of Sundays, Crime, Free Verse, Life, Lost Love, Love, Narrative Poem, Poetry, Un-rhyming and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

  1. vivinfrance says:

    Excellent. It must have been very hard, re-using our own wordsm but you made another compelling story out of them.

  2. earlybird says:

    ooo! nasty. Good poem though.

  3. Nanka says:

    Whew! What a close encounter!! …of an unpleasant kind!! Great nail biting finish too!! Loved it!!

  4. Mary says:

    Wow, Mike, that was some poem. I was taken in by it, as the story unfolded, thought to myself…how sweet! But then the ending left me breathless. An enjoyable read, one which used YOUR “wordle words” well. (I cursed those words as I wrote my own poem. LOL.)

    • Mike Patrick says:

      I cursed them too, Mary. There weren’t many directions to take them–probably pretty good for Halloween though.

  5. gerimomg says:

    I loved your dark sense of humour. Great ending!

  6. Marianne says:

    They most certainly are wonderful words, Mike! Thank you for providing them! I had a lot of fun writing my wordle :). Your wordle was perfect … if not Sue, perhaps the devil!

  7. Oh wow… that would be such a bummer. What a woman. What a predicament and there was he thinking he was onto a good thing. He’ll know better next time. Glad it was fiction in this instance but, I bet it happens frequently in real life.
    Great write Mike!

  8. Holy cow! Mike, that ending was just perfect. I am curious, who was she, if not Sue? Thanks for the words. I was able to mix “Dia de los Muertos” tradition with Aztec mythology into my piece.

    Pamela

  9. pmwanken says:

    Mike…
    Wow! What a fantastic job with the direction you took the words! I am in awe that you were able to use your own words a second time around. Wonderful story, as always.
    ~Paula
    (PS: you use “love AT first sight” in the title, but “love ON first sight” in the first stanza…just checking if that was on purpose; and “staggering” should be “staggered” or “were staggering”?)

  10. Mike, Mike, Mike. The crueler joke is that I credited Joseph Harker with your words… and the version went out to subscribers. Have edited (like, two minutes later). SORRY!
    \
    This poem is incredible. I did not see the ending coming, and I had to smile at the flickering taco sign, because it speaks of a kind of cheesy locale and gave a wonderful background to what ended up being what one should expect when being picked up at a cheesy taco joint! (Apologies to taco lovers – you know what I’m talking about. And the best tacos usually DO come from the “joints:!) Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/lost-soul-sun-whirl/

  11. Dark and rfightening walk down an alley of illusions.

  12. stephaniewillspeak says:

    I can never guess how the ending will turn out. You always surprise and amaze me! Awesome job.

  13. Paula says:

    Wow. Last week I watched a rerun of dharma and greg with this very same scene. Theirs was really funny. Yours is a dark one. Good double wordle.

  14. 1sojournal says:

    I’m really impressed with this second use of the words. It flows well and packs a lesson with a punch on the end. Really good stuff,

    Elizabeth
    http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com

  15. You did so well re-using the words. I loved the newness!

    innards

  16. brenda w says:

    You more than rose to the occasion, Mike, you knocked it over! This is wonderful. I did feel badly for you, having to use the words yet again, but you did it well. The end was unexpectedly delightful. LOL I love it when the woman “gets” her man. Excellent piece, and I promise I won’t do that to you again for awhile. I couldn’t help it….your piece last week still rocks my socks. And here you go again….
    🙂

  17. Mike says:

    A tremendous poem Mike. I thought you used this week’s wordle words so well.
    Such a shame that Sue was not all you expected.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s