The Sunday Whirl,, churned up a baker’s dozen wordle this week. They are: emerald, illusion, ominous, divine, pantomime, flap, observe, balcony, celestial, jostles, void, bones, rhythm. I barely started reading them before my muse locked onto emerald and gave me the poem’s theme.

I have been wanting to play around some with near rhymes, or half rhymes or whatever one calls them. I threw in a couple–I think. This is my first deliberate use of near rhymes. I would love to hear from anyone who understands them. Perhaps they can tell me if I’m getting close. From what little I understand, they seem to work pretty well in sonnets. My theme is probably pretty large for fourteen lines, but what the heck.

Flicker image by skookums 1

by Mike Patrick

The Emerald City has two different sides,
both ominous and simply too divine.
With wild illusions rife before our eyes,
we draw them in and let our worlds entwine.

A pantomime of flapping arms, observed
from third-row balcony. Celestial lights
begin to glow from roles without reserve.
We sit, and watch, and sate our appetite.

As rhythm fills the bones of summer’s void,
amazement jostles empty, placid dreams.
Transported from our stupor, we employed
our minds, from laughter to the screams.

Imaginations free once more, we leave.
Another childhood memory to relive.

This entry was posted in A Wording Whirl of Sundays, Childhood, Iambic, Movie, Old Times, Pentameter, Poetry, Rhyming, Sonnet and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to SATURDAY MATINEE

  1. Wonderful. I bounced along with this! Fabulous movie to use as an image, too!

  2. TheMsLvh says:

    Fantastic journey into Oz you took me. The use of your near-rhymes were good! Impressive Mike. Love the sonnet

  3. margo roby says:

    Near rhymes, half rhymes, slant rhymes. To achieve them you want to rhyme either the vowel sound, or the consonant sound. You have achieved that with each rhyme. Congratulations. I do love watching you play. Now I’ll read the poem.
    [First stanza you want present tense for ‘drew’. The rest of your verbs are present tense. And a full stop at the end of the last line. I know, I know…picky, picky.] Now, what I get from this is what your couplet tells me I should [as all good Elizabethan sonnets do]. Did you have something else in your head other than what the meeting of movie and mind gives us?
    Out of sheer curiosity, have you tried an Italian sonnet?
    Oh, and I just read your About page to my mother [yep, the 82 year old] and she says if you weren’t married she’d come after you 🙂

    • Mike Patrick says:

      Thank you, Margo. I rewrote that first stanza four times (had the Munchkins in it for a while). I was determined not to let my desire to finish a poem overrule the time needed to make it right. Now we see how that worked out. Corrections made. No excuse for missing that final period.

      You did get the right message. Due to poem length, I had to reject several lines that may have made the poem clearer. I had scenes from the movie running through my head, which were perfectly clear to me but might not be to others. For instance, the flapping arms were from the flying monkeys, yet there wasn’t enough sonnet room for a clearer depiction.

      I have written only one Italian sonnet. There is no reason for that except I love Shakespeare. The rhyming scheme for the Italian sonnet feels a little strange, but iambic pentameter is iambic pentameter. For some reason, the rhyming in couplets feels rushed to me, almost breathless. Odd, because Shakespeare didn’t have a problem with them.

      Tell you mother that as soon as Sandy kicks my butt out, I’ll be calling.

  4. Love these two lines:
    Transported from our stupor, we employed
    our minds, from laughter to the screams.

  5. 1sojournal says:

    Mike, I use a lot of slant rhyme in my poetry. However, I am not a sonnet writer. My education was in American Lit and tends more to breath line then iambic pantameter. For me, the slant rhymes work best when used somewhere in the center of a line. Sometimes, like in this set of wordle words, the words lend themselves to such an arrangement. It makes for a more subtle rhythm. That aside, I like what you did here, especially the pantomime of flapping arms from third row balcony, as it comes so quickly after the word entwine, suggesting different forms of embrace. I also like to occasionally listen to or read hip hop poetry which uses a lot of slant rhyme and can help develop an ear for that sort of sound.


    • Mike Patrick says:

      My education continues. Thank you, Elizabeth. Slant rhyme is on my research list.

      I confess to a loathing for hip-hop music. Until your comment, I don’t believe I ever thought about it even being a poetry form. One of the African-American police officers I worked with, a dear friend who loved hip-hop, confessed to me that it gives him a headache after only a few minutes. It is composed of a uniform rhythm, but so it the pounding of a smith’s hammer on an anvil. I find neither pleasant to be around. I didn’t know there was a genre of written hip-hop poetry, but I’m more than willing to give it a read, anything to learn the nuances of rhyme.

      UPDATE: Elizabeth, thank you again. I’ve spent the last hour reading hip-hop poetry, and it has done more to clear up my confusion about slant rhymes/near rhymes/half rhymes than everything else I’ve studied.

      Poetry, although a written form, was meant to be read aloud; transforming it to an oral form. The freedom of word emphasis and syllable stressing in any oral form (like hip-hop) allows the pronunciation of slant rhymes to more closely match that of real rhymes; beautiful in its simplicity. Thank you again.

      • 1sojournal says:

        Mike, I can’t stand hip-hop music either, I’m with your friend about the headache. But, there are some very good hip hop poets out there who do wonders with the language and repetitive sounds. I find that whenever I read or listen to them, I am writing a different sort of beat for days afterward. And because I write mostly free verse, I have a tendency to follow the sound rather than the rules. Oops, I may have given away a bit too much there, lol. Hope you have fun with all of it.


  6. Mike, you brought back some delightful childhood memories with this. Thanks.


  7. 1. Apart from the title, I didn’t notice the wordle words, so skilfully were they woven in. I have never seen the wizard of Oz – when it came out I was deemed too young (6) and my sister (9) was carried out screaming in fright!

    2. Your near rhymes were excellent: the assonance (similar vowel sounds) works well throughout, with the consonance (similar consonants) of the final couplet making a subtle finishing rhyme.

    • Mike Patrick says:

      Viv, you have to get a DVD of The Wizard of Oz and watch it. It was a wonderful movie with special effects that left a lot to imagination. I’m still laughing at a mental image of your sister being carried out screaming. It has to be one of the most benign movies I’ve ever seen, it’s a musical for goodness sake.

      Thank you for the comment on the final couplet. It was the one I was most worried about. The rhyme seemed very tentative to me. I feared I would have to rewrite it.

  8. Traci B says:

    Excellent sonnet, Mike! Took me back to childhood, when my grandfather was a doorman at the local theater, and Mom and Dad would drop us kids off to watch a movie on a summer Saturday. Saw lots of Disney films that way. 🙂

  9. Laurie Kolp says:

    The Wizard of Oz was always one of my favorites, but didn’t realize how scary it was until I had kids of my own. For some reason they have never liked that movie.

  10. brenda w says:

    I am ready to go to a matinee, now! Your rhyme scheme works for me, and I completely lost track of the wordle words (that means they were masterfully interwoven). Bravo!

  11. I greatly enjoyed this poem. I don’t have any words of wisdom to add to your many comments above, but didn’t want to read without commenting. Masterful use of the wordle words! I so love seeing all the different places the same set of words takes us. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s