PANTOUM #1, MY WANTS ARE FEW

The prompt for Carry on Tuesday #113, http://carryontuesdayprompt.blogspot.com/, was to use the first line of an Oliver Wendell Holmes poem, “Little I ask, my wants are few,” in a poem.

Meanwhile, Margo Roby has been encouraging me to write a pantoum. I have never tried a pantoum and thought I might try it with the help of Mr. Holmes powerful first line.

I found it amazingly difficult. Every attempt ended with me writing myself into a corner. In desperation, I wrote the shortest pantoum possible (three stanzas). It barely passes muster, but I had already spent enough time on it to write five poems. I named it Pantoum #1, and there will probably be a Pantoum #2 just because I enjoy a challenge. Try as I might, I could not figure out punctuation to make it clearer. Here it is in all its eloquent weakness.

PANTOUM #1, MY WANTS ARE FEW
by Mike Patrick

Flickr image by Yve Erin

Little I ask, my wants are few
A sturdy lass who loves me well
A few good deeds that I can do
The simple life of which I tell

A sturdy lass who loves me well
The strength to live beneath the sun
The simple life of which I tell
A well kept house where children run

The strength to live beneath the sun
A few good deeds that I can do
A cottage kept where children run
Little I ask, my wants are few

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This entry was posted in Carry On Tuesday, Family, Iambic, Pantoum, Poetry, Rhyming, Tetrameter and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to PANTOUM #1, MY WANTS ARE FEW

  1. sounds like a lovely life to live. great poem

  2. Mike, I like this a lot. Seems you may be a natural at pantoums. I love form poetry, but I avoid writing it. 😉

    Pamela

    • Mike Patrick says:

      I’ve been dodging and weaving while trying to avoid form poetry too, Pamela. I believe it’s because it is so far out of my comfort zone, but I have some awfully smart people advising me and trying to help me. I’ve been standing in one place for a long time now. It’s time to move.

  3. TheMsLvh says:

    Like the form, you are clever.

  4. Nara Malone says:

    I admire how you tackle these complex poetry forms and I thought you did a great job with this. Expressing an idea in the framework of beats and rhyme is so intimidating to me.

  5. Sometimes (I find) the words come more easily if we stop thinking about them and just let it flow.
    It’s not a bad effort at all, despite your not being happy about it!

  6. Great write, love this form and the message within:-)

  7. This is indeed a difficult form, but I think you have done a good job with it. I love the image you chose to accompany your piece. I think I saw that house when we visited Ireland! 🙂

  8. I like your simple wants and your pantoum.

  9. earlybird says:

    I think this is rather delightful, Mike. I’ve never managed a pantoum. I think the lack of punctuation underlines ‘your simple wants’.

  10. Tilly Bud says:

    I think you’ve done a great job with the pantoum. I certainly couldn’t write one. I’m impressed by yours.

    Love the sentiment, too.

  11. hypercryptical says:

    Clever form – well done.

    Anna :o]

  12. So lovely message within a difficult poem style…Great write.

  13. becca givens says:

    Dreamy and enchanting repetitions … well done, Mike! Love the image you chose as well to go with your pantoum. 🙂

  14. irene says:

    Well, I think this is lovely, Mike.

  15. Helena White says:

    I have tried different forms, with some frustration at times lol! I prefer to just write whatever comes to mind. Lovely poem, lovely life…

    ♥ Helena

  16. Whitesnake says:

    When I have ta look up what words mean I tend to lose interest in whatever it is that I am reading.
    Sadly this is happening the more I read poetry. LOL
    Pantoum!- A verse form composed of quatrains in which the second and fourth lines are repeated as the first and third lines of the following quatrain.

  17. margo roby says:

    Oh well. If you are going to throw metre and rhyme into the equation, no wonder you wrote yourself into a corner. Pantoums are difficult enough! But you have one under your belt and they do become easier [and they are fun once you feel good about being able to write one]. Keep your eye out for strong quatrains.

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