SO YOUNG

When I saw Prompt #51, for We Write Poems, http://wewritepoems.wordpress.com/, was to write a poem from the point of view, and with the voice of someone else, I knew I had it made. I had just spent the day with my six-year-old granddaughter and was in awe of the depth of her wisdom. It turned out so well, I thought it might work for View From the Side’s Weekend Theme, http://viewfromtheside.wordpress.com/2011/07/08/weekend-theme-29/ of Childhood. I haven’t posted here before, but it looks like a fun place.

SO YOUNG
by Mike Patrick

There are some things we girls just know:
like when Del Miller kissed and told.
I knew he would. He had to show
his goofy friends that he was old.

While playing at the city pool
with my best friend forever, Jill–
she wore that suit that looked so cool,
when Del walked up with looks that kill.

I saw him wink at Bobby Green
before he tried to kiss my hair.
He did not know that I had seen,
I turned my face . . . my lips were there.

Poor Del turned red, and almost choked;
he ran away and screamed. His friends
all laughed until they nearly croaked;
but he did not want it to end.

I saw that look, and felt that kiss,
tomorrow is the day we’ll see.
He’s only eight, and he might miss
the fact: someday he’ll marry me.

Best date EVER!

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This entry was posted in Childhood, Children, Iambic, Love, Poetry, Rhyming, Tetrameter, We Write Poems and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to SO YOUNG

  1. Laurie Kolp says:

    A sweet childhood tale of innocence… I love the rhyme and rhythm, Mike.

  2. Wonderful representation, Mike! Just like in days gone past, the memories reincarnate in future generations.

  3. Jo Bryant says:

    Such an interesting view from a little girls eyes. 🙂

  4. vivinfrance says:

    Gee they start young in America!

    • Mike Patrick says:

      Yes, they do. The “Best date ever!” line was one she used on me while we were playing in the pool with her brother and two cousins. She has a boyfriend–Oliver, the boy next door–who she says she’s going to marry.

  5. earlybird says:

    I got ‘married’ for the first time at eight… maybe he was ‘the one’ after all!

  6. Mandy Calvin says:

    That’s really adorable; I especially like the last stanza.

  7. I believe I was in Kindergarden when I got married the first time! My “husband” and I were imitating a scene from “The Edge of Night” ( a soap opera from way back when). He was the lead character, a craggy handsome hero named Mike Carr. I am unable to recall the name of the woman I protrayed, but I did have a white towel pinned to my hair for a veil.

    My friend was also a Mike. Mike Collins. I have no idea where he is or what happened to him. We remained friends until I was 14, a couple of years after I had moved away from Texas, and we lost touch. Maybe I’ll Google him and find him again! What fun! Although, his name is rather common!

    I especially love your poem. Very well done and beautifull structured. It reminds me very much of the type of verse I write on occasion. I am particularly fond of internal rhyme, but it has to be done just right, or it sounds contrived. You poem certainly did not!

  8. You did a great job changing voice with that poem!

  9. Mr. Walker says:

    Mike,this is wonderful. I can tell you had fun with this one. I certainly had fun reading it. You manage to capture the language and ways of speaking of young people: “with my best friend forever, Jill” and “Best date EVER!” It’s authentic and yet told with rhyme and meter. Favorite line: “but he did not want it to end” – girls, in fact, “just know”.

    Richard

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