We Write Poems, http://wewritepoems.wordpress.com/2011/06/23/prompt-60-write-here-bigger-now/, challenge for this week is to expand last weeks challenge to write about your immediate area. Now they want us to step outside. It turns out that I lead a boring life on a boring street, so I have to go to my normal fall-back position: assume the identity of someone I met during my police career. This time is a little different because my character is female. She is quite real, but I took some liberties to fill in parts of the background I never learned.

This does not feel finished, so I’ll probably revisit it before the We Write Poems posting date on Wednesday. If anyone has suggestions, I would love to hear them.

by Mike Patrick

Flickr image by take to the sun

Beyond the heavy drapes, a world awaits;
a place where strangers’ motives are unknown.
I peer between the blinds; unfeigned distaste
erupts like bile. I want to be alone.

A simple walk, from here down to the store:
one hundred paces, blocked by terror’s dread.
The sight of open space congeals my core,
perhaps I’ll find a better place when dead.

Across the street, a group of children play
and laugh upon a set of rusty swings.
Old memories leapt back until a day
so long ago, to when my soul had wings.

There was a time, when love surrounded me,
my heart, so joyful, sang his name out loud.
He lost his life to keep our country free,
my room, in pain, transformed into my shroud.

Locked up in here, I know I’ll never find
another love to pull me from my door.
I am resigned to live a life maligned,
by those who cannot know, forevermore.

This entry was posted in Children, Death, Fear, Iambic, Lost Love, Pentameter, Poetry, Rhyming, We Write Poems and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Oh,man, this really got to me. You do such a good job of entering the mind of another and I can see how your work would lend to that and how your ability to empathize would help in your work. This is just wonderful.

  2. Pingback: Thursday Poets Rally Week 47 (June 30-July 6, 2011) | Promising Poets' Poetry Cafe

  3. poetryroad says:

    Going into another persona is not an easy task and can sometimes be emotional hard but you have done a great job here. I would love to see this expanded on, I think you would do it much honor.

  4. Okay. I’ve read a lot of poems the last few days, but none pulled at my heart like this one. My eyes are hot and moist. I tell my wife when something I write makes her cry, “That’s my job.” You have done your job with this wonderful, powerful bit of writing. I bow graciously to your talent…

  5. Jingle says:

    glad to see you in.
    Happy Rally.

  6. This has such incredible depth,really gut-wrenching

  7. luna15 says:

    my daughter is agoraphobic. this sounds like her fear.
    hope its not true. 😦

  8. Andy says:

    This is indeed a sad but powerful write.
    You did very well assuming the identity of someone else. You made what she was feeling very real.

    Nicely done!

  9. kshawnedgar says:

    The last stanza is my favorite. It really crystalizes here.

  10. pure2core says:

    I wish I could be all the day sitting near the system to check up every poetry been published in poetical contests..But life routine doesn’t permit me to do so…But any way visiting your blog and having read the poetry I can’t stop appreciating your amazing write…Thanks for share.

  11. A.B. Thomas says:

    Powerful, a brilliant write just as it is!

  12. kez says:

    great imagery and I believe great empathy ….a sad tale told really well .Thanks for sharing

  13. TheMsLvh says:

    Just found you here, Mike, wonderful poem! Gave me a perspective I don’t personally know. Great write!

  14. The poem scares me. Good work, absolutely gorgeous!

  15. Lisa says:

    No need to change a thing, it’s both poignant and well-paced as it stands.

  16. A beautifully written poem. All emotions brought to the page with great feeling x

  17. You have described the painful essence of fear wonderfully here. And you’re spot on with the title. Too many people think it’s just a case of ‘pulling your socks up’ or ‘getting over it’.

  18. torquethis says:

    You lead so flawlessly from stanza to stanza. I certainly hope this is not from person experience. Nice work.

  19. vivid imagery, magical word painting.

    share your work with poetry potluck today.

  20. Eric Campanano says:

    very strong piece. I’m glad I came across this 🙂

  21. Ok, this very good, i like it how it is, well done, thank you, much appreciated, WS

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