The Sunday Whirl http://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com/ gives us thirteen words for this weeks wordle. They are: slit, gossamer, threads, light, sky, sparks, stardust, etches, stories, tangled, bone, temple, serpents. Wonderful words to play with in free verse.

by Mike Patrick

Flickr image by NASA’s Marshall Space Flight Center

The slit between the curtains by my bed
displays gossamer threads of light
dancing across the midnight sky.
Sparks of stardust etch stories
deep into my tangled mind.
Tales of serpents,
crawling through the bones of ruined temples,
flash through my being.
Sleep demands a cloud to find release
but none appears.

This entry was posted in A Wording Whirl of Sundays, Free Verse, Poetry, Un-rhyming and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to OUTSIDE MY WINDOW

  1. “crawling through the bones of ruined temples” love that line, Mike. Nice concise piece.


  2. GD says:

    ‘Stardust’ is one of my favorite words. It seems to have a place in every poem, right? Such a beautiful-sounding word.

    Great poem, lucid prose. Excellent work.
    My writing blog: http://shelleddreams.wordpress.com/

  3. margo roby says:

    I saw your comment to Brenda. My poem arrived the same way. I find Brenda’s word choices inspired and inspiring.
    I like the movement in your poem from speaker to outside and then circling back to the speaker, but inside his mind.

  4. brenda w says:

    Oh yes, I do like this one, especially “crawling through the bones of ruined temples.”

  5. No workshop needed here… well done! I loved each word!

  6. Marianne says:

    I love this, Mike! So expressive and such a grand use of all those amazing wordle words!

  7. A proper poem, beautiful and not a sign of iambics here!

    I haven’t had time to do this yet, as I am on a poetry workshop all week, but tomorrow morning’s free, so if I can unscramble my brain, I’ll have a go.

  8. Susannah says:

    I like this very much and could vividly picture the scene. Wonderful. 🙂

    (Thanks very much for the comment on my post, much appreciated. )

  9. irene says:

    An active imagination in the privacy of mind..well done Mike.

  10. siggiofmaine says:

    I enjoyed this very much. I have never attempted a wordle as I get stymied just looking at the words and unable to figure how to use them in sequence. This is intriguing and must master it as time goes by.
    Siggi in Sunny Downeast Maine

    • Mike Patrick says:

      They are easier than you think, Siggi. With the words in front of you, relax and let your mind go anywhere it wants. One of the words will come to the fore as an overall theme, and the other will start filling in the spaces to make a story. Jot things down as quickly as you can, then go back and edit. Outside My Window took about fifteen minutes. Last weeks wordle took several hours. In both, I knew what I wanted to say almost immediately, but achieving the meter and rhyme in The Secret Place took a lot of editing.

      • Donna Kiser says:

        I completely agree with Mike Siggi. I had just found Sunday Whirl and completed #8 (which included the word ‘stories’), and then along came #9 with the word ‘stories’, and that is what jumped at me. It was the phrase in my mind that is repeated at the beginning of each of my stanza’s. It truly just flowed.

        Mike-“etch stories deep into my tangled mind” YES!!!

  11. “Sparks of stardust etch stories…” Oh, this is lovely, Michael. What a great group of words to wrangle, huh? Here’s mine – http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/06/20/renatas-scarves/
    Peace, Amy

  12. ladynimue says:

    Interesting lines .. really liked this 🙂
    Tempted to try now …

  13. 1sojournal says:

    Mike, what you said to Siggi is so true. That few moments of relaxation, just breathing in and out is the key to most writing. I used to tell my students what the writing assignment was, then tell them to put their pens down, close their eyes and just breathe in and out slowly. And of course, the first time I was faced with a wordle, all I did was hold my breath. Not good for the flow, lol. Eventually remembered my own advice. Now the wordles are a bit easier, but sometimes a bit of distraction helps, lol. Love your poem, can see it and feel it. For me, that’s good writing.


  14. Very natural use of the words. Enjoyed it. Liked the sci-fi approach.


  15. Mr. Walker says:

    Mike, I like “tales of serpents” coming right after tangled mind. There’s that deep part of us that is reptilian/serpentine, and yet we reach out for stardust and stories.


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