MY DARKEST DAY

I was having a discussion with a friend yesterday. We were digging into the added difficulty in writing a poem with both consistent meter and rhyme as opposed to free verse. I feel rhyme and meter add a certain power to verse. To prove a point, I wrote down this quick poem of rhyming couplets in iambic trimeter. The subject matter was pretty obvious, now that we’ve had dark clouds and rain for five or six days in a row. Now I want to see if my friend will top it in free verse.

UPDATE – – – – For those wondering, my challenge was to Paula at whenwordsescape.wordpress.com. Her response can be seen at http://whenwordsescape.wordpress.com/2011/04/26/spring-storms/. I’m kind of stammering and stuttering, hoping we can call it a draw. I will be more careful about bandying about with my challenges, that’s for sure.

MY DARKEST DAY
by Mike Patrick

Flickr image by teslaooo

I tried to search each way
to find my darkest day.
I know it’s one of two;
they both began with you.
The day you first appeared,
a day I hailed and cheered,
was changed a short while back
and now it’s trimmed with black.
And then there’s when you left;
the day my heart was cleft.
It’s hard to make the call;
was it the worst of all?
When you left? When we met?
Both came with heavy debt.
My pain of love must sway;
they’re both my darkest day.

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14 Responses to MY DARKEST DAY

  1. vivinfrance says:

    Um. Now YOU write it in free verse! I liked it right up to that penultimate line, which just made me giggle! This is one of the disadvantages of rhyming couplets: it occasionally produces archaisms and forced rhymes, and spoils the mood.

  2. pmwanken says:

    Ok, Mr. Rhyming Iambic Trimeter….

    Here’s my attempt:

    Spring Storms

    Signed,
    Free Verse

  3. Tilly Bud says:

    Will we see your friend’s version?

  4. Pingback: Spring Storms « echoes from the silence

  5. pmwanken says:

    Mike…after a stormy night, your stuttering and stammering made me smile. I’m not so sure I really nailed it, so I will gladly accept “the draw”. I welcome your challenges any time, my friend…it’s the only way I’ll grow.

  6. ladynimue says:

    I love challenges !! Consider me next time if not for rhymed lines 😉

    And this was really a wonderful read !!
    Hope you doing good 🙂
    will be back to read more on your page ..

  7. versebender says:

    As a 100%, full time rhyme and meter guy…I thought this was excellent! Vb

    • Mike Patrick says:

      Thank you. That makes two of us.

      I must admit, as much as I love the rhyme and meter you use, it’s your humor that blows me away. I find humor so hard to write, yet you do it with such ease. Amazing. I recently had to add you to my blogroll to make it easier to keep up with you. Keep writing, my friend.

  8. beespoetry says:

    Don’t sell yourself short! This was great 🙂

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