MISSING HER

The NaPoWriMo http://www.napowrimo.net/ prompt for the 23rd day was to write a bouts-rimes: a rhyme using the rhyming last words from another poem. I used the words from K. Silem Mohammad’s poem You White White Teatime Teen. Have to admit, it was much more difficult than I thought it would be. NaPoWriMo listed two other poems we could use, one of them being Shakespeare’s Sonnet VI. I jumped on it first, sure it would be a snap, but I couldn’t do anything with it.

MISSING HER
by Mike Patrick

It does no good to rant or show my rage.
All steps I take direct me to my doom.
These things are true when at a warrior’s age
and we expect, at best, a heroes’ tomb.

In memory, I hear her longing sighs.
My hands reach out to touch her perfect breasts.
My dreams revolve around the creamy thighs
e’er since the troop and I deployed out west.

There’s only war, and I go slightly mad
listening to a moving Memphis blues,
regretting camouflage replacing plaid
and combat boots replaced my blue suede shoes.

If we win, I’ll be home, but if I fail?
The CO’s condolence will come by mail

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6 Responses to MISSING HER

  1. vivinfrance says:

    Congratulations Mike, recognisable as a sonnet, which is more than mine is!
    Your distant editor would have liked to see an apostrophe in hero’s, line 4.

    • Mike Patrick says:

      Recognizable, but really choppy. Yours, while not in iambic pentameter, flows like a crystal stream, tells a delightful story and is everything an excellent poem is supposed to be.

      By the way, I’ve cancelled that ad for an editor. You are doing fine.

  2. Excellent post thanks for sharing. I enjoy reading and writing poems very much. It’s very relaxing. Thanks again.

    An Easter Poem

  3. Tilly Bud says:

    I love the story you tell. You managed the prompt really well. My poem is nothing like as regular.

  4. earlybird says:

    Goodness! I’m impressed by both you and K. Silem Mohammad!

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