BUBBLES IN THE WINE

The Cloaked Monk’s, http://cloakedmonk.com/, MarchChallenge prompt for the 29th is, “Effervescence.” Finding myself about halfway between a wine connoisseur and a wino, to me effervescence is bubbles in the wine.

Now the problem was using it in some kind of poem. Thanks to R.J. Clarkson, and her “Circus” post yesterday in her Light Verse – Just for Fun blog at http://1ightverse.blogspot.com/2011/03/when-circus-comes-to-town.html, I learned another poetry form called a “Monotetra.” The ‘tetra’ stands for tetrameter (eight syllables in each line), which has four lines to each stanza, and the last two feet of the last line are repeated in each stanza . Not sure what the ‘mono’ stands for unless it’s for the repetitive last-word rhyming sound in each of the stanza’s four lines. After giving it a shot, I actually like the aggressive rhythm it creates. Every line in the stanza seems to go consecutively faster than the previous as it’s read; then chokes down to a sob for the last half of that repeated line. Neat, but it was unintentional.

My question for the gentle readers is, should I reverse the order of the last two stanzas?

BUBBLES IN THE WINE
by Mike Patrick

wine bubbles

Flickr image by alfanhui

I’m counting bubbles in the wine,
it’s just my way of wasting time;
thinking about our times divine
and what was mine . . . and what was mine.

Three lonely hours, time unset,
while contemplating how we met.
I wonder why I can’t forget
the life I bet . . . the life I bet.

The bright, red wine, which was our glue,
somehow broke love’s bond in two,
allowing me to cheat on you.
What can I do? What can I do?

The tiny bubbles’ rising glee,
so quickly made a fool of me.
Take back my broken heart’s debris.
O hear my plea, O hear my plea.

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13 Responses to BUBBLES IN THE WINE

  1. Pingback: March 29: Effervescence | Cloaked Monk's Blog

  2. vivinfrance says:

    Yes, in answer to your question.

    Tetrameter is four feet, not 8 syllables (hence the tetra, 4) A foot can be 1,2 3 or 4 syllables , with the stress on different places in the foot. An iambic tetrameter makes a different rhythm from – eg – a dactylic tetrameter!
    Lecture over. Your poem is splendid, [assionate, like bubbles. I’ve never had bubbly red wine.

    • Mike Patrick says:

      I knew ‘most’ of that, but I’m what Sandy calls a project under construction. Apparently, most of the construction materials are not getting to the top floor or I could have explained that better. Thank you for keeping me on my toes and honest.

      What I enjoy most about this blog is learning from much better poets than I am. Each time a new form is encountered, it is researched until I’ve read definitions from several different authorities (I’m amazed at how often they disagree), read a number of examples and have a beginner’s understand of the form. The trick then is to use them, even if they feel awkward. That’s when the beginner’s understanding is often found to be lacking. More research will ensue.

      I’m actually not much of a wine drinker, preferring Scotch and Irish Whiskeys, but the image in the post is of bubbles in red wine. It must be a rare occurrence, because I had to look through a lot of ‘bubbles in the wine’ pictures to find it.

  3. Becca Givens says:

    Very nicely done on your first Monotetra – I think the order of the stanzas fall in sequence — unless the character is asking for forgiveness prior to the cheat! Now, that wouldn’t do … that wouldn’t do! 🙂

  4. earlybird says:

    Since you ask, no. I don’t think so. I like it ending with a plea.

  5. Sam373 says:

    I will subscribe for I would like to read more, much more.

    • Mike Patrick says:

      Welcome, Sam. You are very welcome here at the epicenter of controlled chaos. Comments, pro or con, are encouraged. If you are a poet, I would love to experience your work. If you are a teacher, I could use your guidance.

  6. trisha says:

    playful, beautiful and meaningful. not a very common example. loved reading it mike. it left its rhythm behind.

    trisha
    http://sharmishthabasu.wordpress.com/2011/03/26/effervescence/

  7. ladynimue says:

    A toast to such brilliant poem !
    And i love the form .. you gave me a task trying this one soon !

  8. Margaret says:

    Love how it ends with a plea…makes one wonder if she will take him back. Very nicely done.

  9. high five,
    wow.
    keep it up.

  10. Irene says:

    I like how you spin this story around wine!

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