A HERO’S DAY

This is my first posting at Big Tent Poetry http://bigtentpoetry.org/ . They use a group of word prompts (see below) for 2/28, along with two phrases: “There is also the matter of ____” and “He started by _____.”
Trying to work in all the prompts fell somewhere between difficult and impossible, which explains why the latter stanzas feel so contrived. I would welcome any constructive criticism that doesn’t totally crush my fragile ego, major bruising is okay.

Big Tent Poetry word prompts for 2/28

A HERO’S DAY
by Mike Patrick

When the sun’s advancing angle
cast its flame across his bed,
from his sheets he did untangle,
poking out his boyish head.

His smile took in the wonder
of a brand new, shiny day.
There were worlds to plunder,
parades to follow, dreams of faraway.

He started out by planning
his assault on Draco’s den.
That evil dragon’s range was spanning
o’er the creek again.

There was also the matter
of the pirates on the lake.
The question was, would they scatter,
or leave carnage in their wake?

With a smile to defy the devil,
sword slapping against his thigh,
he charged across the level
and looked them in the eye.

The battle finally turned out great,
ending with an awful gasp,
and for a typical boy of eight,
another day slipped past.

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10 Responses to A HERO’S DAY

  1. You did excellent with the prompts, Mike! Wonderful story of a child’s magic world!

  2. Becca Givens says:

    Oooh, well done! Now I know I must muster the courage to try it! 😉

    The Celebrate Poet of Spring 2011 Awards: Awesome and well deserved! ~becca~

  3. vivinfrance says:

    Lovely, Mike – to do a wordle AND rhyme AND rhythm is a splendiferous feat. My only suggestion would be to use a comma instead of the elipsis in stanza 2 – it made me pause, which spoiled the metre.

    • Mike Patrick says:

      Thanks, Viv. I thought about that at the time and couldn’t decide what to do. Tails was probably the wrong way to go. I’ll fix it while I’m waiting for the Big Tent link page to appear. Thought it was today, but it is kind of nice to be ahead for a change, gives me a little time to tweak.

  4. ladynimue says:

    I totally enjoyed this ! This did not slip even a single line .. perfect to me 🙂

  5. margo roby says:

    Not many people do rhyme well. I read through several of your poems and you do. I liked the story of this poem. Reminded me a little of Stevenson’s A CHild’s Garden of Verse.

    • Mike Patrick says:

      Thank you, Margo. I grew up reading rhymed verse and doubt that I knew free verse existed before I was middle age. Since I’ve been writing poetry, here later in life, I tend to fall back to what I know. I’m seeing so many forms now, I find it overwhelming.

  6. pamela says:

    Mike, how very lovely to use a wordle and rhymed
    poetry, my hat’s off to you!

    Pamela

  7. b says:

    I’m weak, weak on rhyme, but I think you made the wordle work . That smile to defy the devil tickles me.

    One thing you can remember about prompts like this is that you’re using them to get ideas you wouldn’t ordinarily come up with. Once you’ve gotten your draft, you can toss out any elements don’t contribute.

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